


Renegade

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Shenanigans [26]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Adam isn't pleased with the law, Lulu gets arrested, M/M, Michael is not pleased, Multi, POV Outsider, neither is the law
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 04:10:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2010438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Officer Good kicks Michael's family out of the park.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Renegade

Officer Good officially hates _that_ family. He doesn’t know much about them, really, except that they’re all public menaces. The one whose name is Lulu (he’s not really sure that _is_ his name, because every time he spends the night in his jail cell, he gives a different name, address, and age. Some of the more creative answers he’s gotten from the man include ‘Heaven’ as his place of birth, ‘Satan’ as his name, and ‘six billion’ as his age) is generally the biggest troublemaker of their group, but the one who bails ‘Lulu’ out every time screaming about his ‘precious baby brother’ is undoubtedly the most annoying.

 

He’s not quite sure where they live, since they tend to have a habit of disappearing the moment he looks away. He’s arrested all but one of them at least once, and they are all utterly impossible to deal with.

 

Super-Religious Dude is his least favorite. “I will bring down Heaven’s wrath upon you when my brother comes to redeem me from Perdition,” he’d said when Officer Good had arrested him for the first time. A gruff-looking man wearing plaid and a messy dark-haired man in a trench coat had come in two hours smelling like sex and booze to bail him out with a credit card Officer Good had later learned to be fake. Trenchcoat had taken some pictures and Plaid Man had pointed and laughed.

 

Lulu is the most evil of the bunch. Whenever he comes in, he goads the other prisoners and some of the other officers who _don’t_ have the patience of a saint. Then Super-Religious Dude comes in to bail him out and screams about God and their Father and the Heavenly Host.

 

Candy Man is by far the messiest criminal he’s ever had to deal with. He keeps a seemingly endless supply of candy on his person that Officer Good never manages to confiscate even through the most thorough pat-downs. He leaves wrapper after wrapper in his cell and walks out with Super-Religious Dude or Lulu with a candy bar hanging out of his mouth.

 

Trenchcoat is the quietest of his family. Officer Good actually likes it when one of his men arrest him (usually for public indecency.) Trenchcoat has the best stories even if he is a tiny bit off his rocker. When Candy Man or Plaid Man come to bail him out, they laugh and hug it out. It’s a just a tiny bit adorable.

 

Plaid Man has only been arrested once. Officer Good had expected him to be like the rest of his family, but he’d been surprisingly... Normal. He’d just waited patiently as Bigger Plaid Man had come for him and walked out quietly.

 

On the two occasions when Bigger Plaid Man had been arrested, Officer Good had expected a similar level of normalcy. When Officer Good had heard three distinct male voices coming from his cell, he’d gone to investigate only to find Bigger Plaid Man thoroughly debauched and completely alone in his cell. Lulu and Candy Man had come to bail him out, looking similarly disheveled, and Officer Good had begun to wonder about them.

 

Normal Guy (Officer Good never could remember his name. Steve? Dave? John, maybe?) was a law-abiding citizen who Officer Good often saw hanging around with the Bad Crowd (as he’d come to think of the most frequent visitors to his jail). He’d confronted him about it one day.

 

***

 

“Hello, Officer,” Adam says pleasantly as he hides his purchase behind his back. He’s buying one of those little grocery store massagers that were totally vibrators but that were kept next to the diapers as if senior management could really fool themselves into believing that they were really just used on some old man’s aching back. He smiles a little at the image of some stodgy man in a suit examining a bag of vibrators and telling some poor worker to put its contents next to the diapers.

 

“Hello, son,” Officer Good replies as he pretends not to have seen the man’s purchase. “Haven’t I seen you around before?”

 

Adam nods. “Yeah, I live around here somewhere.” He winces at the words. _Normal people,_ he reminds himself, _know exactly where they live._ The thing is, he’s not really sure because most of the time, Michael just snaps and he lands a thousand years in the past or on some remote island half a world away, or, on one of their more memorable trips, a literal world away.

 

Officer Good squints. “I remember now. I saw you on the beach the other day with those... Hooligans.”

 

Adam feels his heart start to race. They might be crazy, but they’re his family and he’s the only one who gets to complain about their insanity. “I think you’re talking about my family,” he says as levelly as he can manage.

 

Officer Good shakes his head. “Just because they’re family doesn’t mean they’re your friends, boy. I think you’re running with a bad crowd. I had that religious freak in my jail just last night.”

 

Adam clenches his fists behind his back. “That religious freak is my husband. His name is Michael and I love him. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go buy this vibrator for him so we can have hot gay sex in front of the rest of our family.”

 

***

 

Officer Good shakes his head at the memory. He takes a left into the playground and smiles at the children playing on the swings. Maybe he can just forget about those menaces for a few hours.

 

Then he sees it. All seven of them, sitting on a park bench watching the children play. He checks to make sure that his baton is still on his hip and walks over to them. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave, sirs. You can’t stay in the playground unless you have children.”

 

Super-Religious Dude grins up at him. “We have four, officer.” He gestures to Trenchcoat, the Plaid Men, and Normal Guy.

 

Normal Guy stands up. “We were just leaving,” he says.

 

“I’m a Satanist,” Lulu drawls.

 

“I like candy,” Candy Man says.

 

“Michael insisted that we come here for Family Fun Month,” one of the Plaid Men says. “He’s weird like that.” He pulls Trenchcoat to his feet. “Come on, everyone.”

 

Officer Good shakes his head as they file out of the park. “What a strange, strange family.”


End file.
